Movie Review and the Truly Spectacular Shit Show that is My Life

Hey guys, long time no type. My hands were busy elsewhere, wink wink. And by elsewhere I mean over my face to muffle my sobs over the waste of my existence. Honesty, yay. Anyway, today's blog is a movie review. Which is obvious if you read the title. But maybe you're just the kind of lazy bum who neglects to read the unnecessary information. Then again, who am I to judge? Oh that's right, a human. The movie, right right right. I watched a movie called…..drumroll please…..look I don't care if you don't want to do it, just do it….or don't, no one listens to me anyways…. ok sorry I got carried away. It's called Don't Go in the Woods! Spoiler alert: this way lie spoilers. That was redundant. This movie came out in 2010, and was directed by Vincent D'Onofrio, who you may know from Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But then again probably not, because it's not as popular as Law & Order SVU and let's face it, he's no Stabler. This movie is a horror musical, which is a sick idea. It's not the kind of musical you're probably thinking of, a la High School Musical, it's actually about a band who goes into the woods to concentrate on writing their new album, so there's a legit reason for the singing.

The songs themselves are actually really good, so much so that I wish there was a soundtrack, seriously. If you like bands like Brand New - and who doesn't, Brand New is a treasure - then you'll like the songs. They're emo-y songs. I live off of those. Right, well. Plot wise, this movie has what you think is a standard plot, but is actually kind of twisty. A band goes into the woods, like I said, to write new song for their album. The lead singer is really focused and intense, and insists that all the members' phones be destroyed to prevent distractions….face palm. Seriously. The band consists of the lead singer and three more members, one blind. Which is an interesting touch. In the middle of the night, the band are snuck up on while they're playing around the fire. A group in creepy ass masks, which is frankly terrifying. But they aren't murderers, they're a group of girls who are friends with the band. The lead singer is definitely not happy about the added distraction, and makes the girls hand over their phones to be smashed with rocks as well. Two of the girls go and leave for a hotel, but are murdered by the time they get into their car. The murders continue in interesting ways, including a two person hook up in a sleeping bag turning into a blood bath cocoon. One person survives at the end, but I really don't want to ruin the movie for you. Now for the background. This movie was a project between projects for D'Onofrio, and had an extremely small budget of $100,000 compared to a movie like A Nightmare on Elm Street, with a budget of $1.4 million. All of the actors and actresses had little to no acting experience, and D'Onofrio was quoted as saying he wanted actors whose "rawness, flatness, and bad timing would work in an odd kind of way" in the movie, which I think is really interesting and made the movie feel more real in a way.

I'm one of those people who like kind of offbeat movies, and even though there are a ton of bad reviews of this movie, I thought it was charming and still managed to surprise me in the end. If I had to be negative (I love to be so this isn't hard) I'd say that there a just a lot of horror movie cliches in the movie that really didn't need to be there, like the smashing of the phones. However, I really liked the idea behind this movie and wow I'm just rambling on and on. Lucky for you guys, I don't really feel like writing more and so you don't have to hear about the tragic mess that is my daily life. I'll just vent to my dog. As per usual. I don't like how serious this one came out, but it was required so oh well. Check out the movie if it seems like the kind of thing you'd like, if not then whateeeeever. See you guys next time for more tomfoolery and antics and gymnastics.
Peace out people eaters.

P.S. I just realized that I didn't go over the plot very well but I really didn't want to give anything away or I'm lazy or I got distracted by tv but just pretend it's the first one ok goodbye.

P.P.S. No wait, …. I forgot what I was going to say, never mind.