Aerials and Stupid Slang that Only Idiots Use...Which Is All of You (Points Finger...At You)

Greetings again my little maggots. Or maybe you're not little. Maybe you're really tall and proud of it and continue to dream about skinning me for a coat because I keep calling you little... I just freaked myself out. I apologize for any offended tall people but uh, welcome to my nightmares. Also glad to see the rambling is becoming a pattern, I'm sure it's really cute. But I digress. Because I'm in Fall Out Boy. Because they use the word digress in "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race" get it? If you don't you had no childhood or good taste to speak of. Except you Ms. B, the song is only from 2006. Right, moving on to the boring part of this. Aerials are not red-headed mermaids in skimpy purple seashell bras, (I know that joke wasn't funny, you don't have to tell me, I'm already disappointing myself) they are no handed cartwheels. They might be the easiest bit of impressive looking gymnastics to learn because there really isn't a lot to them. All you need to do is push off your front foot and throw your arms down to drive yourself through the flip. That kind of sounds complicated when I read it back, but as a gymnast those are some of the simplest instructions I'd get. This post is going to be pretty short (I'm sure you're super excited about that (just kidding no you aren't, you love my rambling (except no, no one loves my rambling or me, sob))) because that's actually I have to say about those. The push off your front leg is the thing that's going to make you successful in your endeavors. Unless you have face-smashing endeavors, then skip the push and aim for the face. Aerials are also probably the least scary skill to try. If you feel like you're not going to be able to make it, you can always put your hands down. Really quickly, there are a couple variations of an aerial. A front aerial is a no handed front walkover (I'll add a video) and a "back aerial" is actually known as a back layout stepout. And you already know what that is. So, I totally caved and put videos on Youtube to prove to you guys that I'm not a total fogey. I'll have you guys know that I still hate Blogger just as passionately and with explosions of....feeling, because its still makes me look like I formatted this post with two stubs for hands. Or maybe dog paws. No offense to amputees...or dogs. I totally brought the swearing in this one down, aren't you proud of me Ms. B?

Since I finally got my shit together (and I spoke too soon on the swearing, it's totally my hands, they have a mind of their own, the crafty bastards) with videos, I figured I'd just add some. Of myself. Butchering the sport. Obviously you'd like to see it. Wow that thumbnail looks really ugly, sorry. This video is two years old, as is the one above, because I can't get my shit together enough to be actually successful. I only have a tiny shovel guys (it's like a mouse sized one, not like a horse sized one). Now that I've probably disgusted you, you might be able to tell that this is a back layout step-out, if you read the first post. The one below is a normal layout, with legs together. Although this was on the grass, so it was a bit less straight... than it would usually be...ha.

In the second post we learned about back handsprings, so the next video is much like the awkward stripping one...minus the awkward stripping (but plus some super attractive stripping...nope, what is funny. Not me), but still with awful form. Sorry about that as well, I was fooling around doing these. Notice I was in my natural habitat, there was no coach to beat me with a stick when I did something wrong. Just kidding, that's not my natural habitat. Just kidding, just kidding, that doesn't actually happen. It's just verbal abuse and disappointed eyes. I still have no idea about format, so I guess I'll just tell you that the one after the back handspring one is a back handspring step-out back tuck on beam, just like the girl in the second post. This was last year too (I'm just excusing myself for sucking, don't mind me), cut me some slack guys, ok?
                                                                                 

 Right, now that it looks like Stephen Hawking organized this post (is it still offensive if it's true?) and there's a smattering of gymnastics projectile vomited onto this web page, it's time for the rant. It's going to be short because I'm weary of the dumb shit you guys come up with and then choose to adopt as normal. Two words: TURNT UP. As you're saying this next time, please please realize that you look like a giant douchenozzle. And if you're saying to yourself right now: "It can't be, everyone says it, all my friends say it,  it can't possibly be stupid," you're mistaken. Gravely. Mistaken, that is. Because guess what. You all look like giant bleeping (I'm trying here...oh hey, I'm like Ortiz, except I'm not trying to get you all to have more city spirit in the wake of a bombing but actually swear and I didn't win a World Series title just now and then cheekily add the bleep in there like a charming motherfucker and I'm not giant and cuddly with an awkward beard and also I'm not a man. Wow that got away from me. That simile just took a nose dive off a plane and sank to the bottom of the ocean, that's how much I lost that simile. Does anyone have a map?) douchenozzles. Don't look so shocked and forlorn, I can totally help you. Repeat after me, but note, reading this out loud will strengthen your resolve and also amuse me to no end: I pledge that from now on I am no longer willing make a giant tool out of myself by saying turnt up and also since I passed the third grade I realize that "turnt" is not a word because the past form of the verb turn is "turned" and I'm too smart (note: not likely, but just tell yourself that you are) to look like such a raging idiot in public and I will subsequently try to avoid being laughed at by all those people who retained their knowledge of verb tense and are much smarter than I. Got it? Good job, unless you've forgotten how to read as well, in which case you should just kill yourself. That TURNED (OH LOOK SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) out a lot rantier than I thought it was going to be, I think these are cathartic. I promise I might learn what a paragraph is next time (or not, don't get your hopes up).
Ok well bye I guess.

Also I realize just now that I forgot to add a video of a front aerial, but you have fingers (I'm assuming) so go google that.

By the way my OTP is myself and parenthesis. Also run on sentences. It's a love triangle.