HELLO OH MY GOD IT'S THE LAST BLOG AND MY RESOLUTION FOR THIS BLOG IS TO YELL THE ENTIRE TIME BECAUSE I'M SO EXCITED IT'S OVER YAY. ALSO IT WAS TO USE NO PUNCTUATION BUT THAT WOULD BE BAD BECAUSE I'M BEING GRADED ON THIS SO. NEVER MIND THAT BIT. MY HEART WILL GO ON… TO THE GRAVE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ONE. SOMEWHERE A OFFENSIVELY DRESSED PERSON IS ROLLING OVER IN THEIR OFFENSIVELY-HEADSTONED GRAVE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO ALMOST BE DONE WITH THIS YES! I MEAN NO, TRAGEDY. NO I DON'T. OH SHIT, RIGHT, GYMNASTICS. FRONT WALKOVERS AND BACK WALKOVERS. WATCH THE VIDEOS. IGNORE MY REALLY ANNOYING MOTHER LAUGHING. AND SHOUT OUT TO MY NEIGHBOR DONNA, I'M SORRY FOR KILLING YOUR CAT THAT ONE TIME. ACTUALLY I THINK SHE WAS IN THE OTHER POST, WHOOPS. OH WELL, NO POINT ERASING THAT, MY BACK SPACE IS BROKEN… IS THE EXCUSE I USE EVERY TIME I WRITE SOMETHING POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE THAT I FIND FUNNY. OK VIDEO, GO…
I'M SORRY FOR THE FACT THAT THE LIGHT CHANGES A TON, MY PHONE DECIDED TO DIE LIKE A LITTLE BITCH DURING THAT ONE AND THEN IT TOOK IT'S SWEET FUCKING TIME CHARGING AND THEN IT WAS DARK. GOD DAMN IT WINTER. YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA. PRETZELS IF YOU GET THAT REFERENCE.
AND FOR THE RANT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT I GOT ALL DISTRACTED BY THE MUSIC AND IT WAS LOUD AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW GOD PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, I WANT TO BE ALIVE FOR NEXT WEEK'S TEEN WOLF. IF YOU DON'T WATCH THAT SHOW PROMPTLY SHUT YOUR COMPUTER AND HANG YOURSELF.
OH GOD THIS THUMBNAIL IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE LAST ONE WHAT IS MY LIFE. REMEMBER KIDDIES, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY AND NEVER GET INTO CARS WITH STRANGE MEN WITH GREEN HAIR AND WHITE FACES.
P.S. THE OTHER DAY I HAD A DREAM THAT I FELL INTO THE OCEAN AND I TURNED INTO A FISH AND I WAS WICKED STOKED AND THEN I REALIZED I STILL HAD A PERSON HEAD AND I DROWNED. SO YEAH.
P.P.S. I LIVE ON A DEAD END STREET AND THE OTHER DAY ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAID THAT IT WAS A METAPHOR FOR MY LIFE. SO YEAH.
A very unenthusiastic hello to you my lovelies, I really don't feel like writing this right now, but I'm going to persevere for the sake of my grade. Today we are going to talk - well I'm going to type and you're hopefully going to read - about handstand walks. Walking in a handstand is apparently extremely difficult for people to figure out, which in turn is difficult for me to figure out, because it's ridiculously easy. The first step is obviously being able to do a handstand. And to do that, you should watch this convenient video I made because I'm way too lazy right now to type and all I want to do is sleep. Which is why I'm not funny today. Or alternatively, why I'm not TRYING to be funny. Let's be honest, I never really am. No I lied, I just realized that I have no one to film for me so I guess I'll just be trying to find a video or maybe I'll wait until my mom gets home. Decisions. Not really actually because the less typing the better.
TA DA! I guess my mom doesn't hate me as much as I thought she did.
I think the quality is probably going to be freaking terrible, but whatever. You'll watch it and you'll like it. Or at least pretend, I'm fragile.
Here's a bonus, because I'm ridiculous. My hands smelt like feet afterwards. For your entertainment guys!
And heeeeerrreeee's the rant….it's more of me just babbling about something random with absolutely no point… so enjoy that I guess. I don't even remember what I was talking about. Oops. That's a very attractive thumbnail, try not to get too excited guys. Or girls I guess. Apologies for the messy room. And how short the actual writing is. And how annoying my voice is. And the rambling about nothing. And for how stupid these videos are… and just for my general existence.
Hey guys, long time no type. My hands were busy elsewhere, wink wink. And by elsewhere I mean over my face to muffle my sobs over the waste of my existence. Honesty, yay. Anyway, today's blog is a movie review. Which is obvious if you read the title. But maybe you're just the kind of lazy bum who neglects to read the unnecessary information. Then again, who am I to judge? Oh that's right, a human. The movie, right right right. I watched a movie called…..drumroll please…..look I don't care if you don't want to do it, just do it….or don't, no one listens to me anyways…. ok sorry I got carried away. It's called Don't Go in the Woods! Spoiler alert: this way lie spoilers. That was redundant. This movie came out in 2010, and was directed by Vincent D'Onofrio, who you may know from Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But then again probably not, because it's not as popular as Law & Order SVU and let's face it, he's no Stabler. This movie is a horror musical, which is a sick idea. It's not the kind of musical you're probably thinking of, a la High School Musical, it's actually about a band who goes into the woods to concentrate on writing their new album, so there's a legit reason for the singing.
The songs themselves are actually really good, so much so that I wish there was a soundtrack, seriously. If you like bands like Brand New - and who doesn't, Brand New is a treasure - then you'll like the songs. They're emo-y songs. I live off of those. Right, well. Plot wise, this movie has what you think is a standard plot, but is actually kind of twisty. A band goes into the woods, like I said, to write new song for their album. The lead singer is really focused and intense, and insists that all the members' phones be destroyed to prevent distractions….face palm. Seriously. The band consists of the lead singer and three more members, one blind. Which is an interesting touch. In the middle of the night, the band are snuck up on while they're playing around the fire. A group in creepy ass masks, which is frankly terrifying. But they aren't murderers, they're a group of girls who are friends with the band. The lead singer is definitely not happy about the added distraction, and makes the girls hand over their phones to be smashed with rocks as well. Two of the girls go and leave for a hotel, but are murdered by the time they get into their car. The murders continue in interesting ways, including a two person hook up in a sleeping bag turning into a blood bath cocoon. One person survives at the end, but I really don't want to ruin the movie for you. Now for the background. This movie was a project between projects for D'Onofrio, and had an extremely small budget of $100,000 compared to a movie like A Nightmare on Elm Street, with a budget of $1.4 million. All of the actors and actresses had little to no acting experience, and D'Onofrio was quoted as saying he wanted actors whose "rawness, flatness, and bad timing would work in an odd kind of way" in the movie, which I think is really interesting and made the movie feel more real in a way.
I'm one of those people who like kind of offbeat movies, and even though there are a ton of bad reviews of this movie, I thought it was charming and still managed to surprise me in the end. If I had to be negative (I love to be so this isn't hard) I'd say that there a just a lot of horror movie cliches in the movie that really didn't need to be there, like the smashing of the phones. However, I really liked the idea behind this movie and wow I'm just rambling on and on. Lucky for you guys, I don't really feel like writing more and so you don't have to hear about the tragic mess that is my daily life. I'll just vent to my dog. As per usual. I don't like how serious this one came out, but it was required so oh well. Check out the movie if it seems like the kind of thing you'd like, if not then whateeeeever. See you guys next time for more tomfoolery and antics and gymnastics.
Peace out people eaters.
P.S. I just realized that I didn't go over the plot very well but I really didn't want to give anything away or I'm lazy or I got distracted by tv but just pretend it's the first one ok goodbye.
P.P.S. No wait, …. I forgot what I was going to say, never mind.
